When we asked Jesus to explain the mechanics of the last being first He answered in yet another parable… It’s like when you’re playing tug…
At this late juncture All eating is competitive eating But in the world to come All competition will be An excuse for a feast
The devil used to be a buyer of so… But now he’s a seller To the Big Five tech companies Because the money is just too good How does the devil sell
Seeing as no good deed goes unpuni… Everyone else turned the job offer… And went back to waiting on their… Only the Jews understood that In the real world
A mind without a body, Say one that’s been uploaded to th… Is like a thought without words– You can picture it But it’s senseless
Did we stop playing the long game because it is the wrong game or is it only the wrong game because we’ve long since stopped p… Or is asking that question more of…
To break up with your significant other just say I need space To break it off
The worst-case scenario comes true when enough people believe it’s the best case scenario
It took the spies of Five Eyes to tell that Putin wasn’t bluffin’ But just ask the staff at Five Gu… and they’ll tell you Trump’s MacG… He longs for Daddy’s approval
Meatheads of the world Unite; No one else can
Social media submission guidelines… Submissions mustn’t be original wo… Submissions must be exclusive but the exclusion must be implicit… Submissions are always already ove…
Darth Vader. Only you could be so bored.
Puzzles can be solved Problems can only be exchanged
That moment when you reclassify yourself from a mystery to an unsolved mystery
Imagine the disappointment when we… both wearing Velcro singlets but each fashioned from the softer… with nary a hook between us
