When I die I’m go– ing to donate my body to pseudoscience

Modern research methods have detec… that there’s no such thing as a ba… leaving scientists puzzled as to w… the whole bunch is still spoiled

The best way to prevent something from happenin… is to convince people that it already did

We’re told the space between galaxies is expanding but mightn’t the space within galaxies

Tech’s greatest feat is maintaining the illusion that we’re finally rid of the middle man when in fact

When people meet me they typically think I’m a sensitive guy but later they realize I’m a time sensitive guy

The stapler inevitably jams And it’s always the stapler That jams the copier Except for the times it jams When you try to copy something you…

Every writer has mistaken his shotgun for a rifle– He may hit where he aims but he will also surely miss In discharging his will to power

Unlike the Americans and the Engl… who are divided by a common langua… the Americans and the Parisians are divided by a common symptom: disappointment

Men are from Mars Women are from everywhere else

Socialists count on the fact that there are no private languages but there is

Yes, we have no bananas but we still need you to play second banana

God is the only Subject Who see things objectively So, God’s object Is to change the subject And God knows that, like Him, we…

Democracy is a game of bridge where each coalition must partner… and going for broke requires not just suicidal risk but a suicide pact,

There’s more than one way to move… So, I’m always beavering away At my dam that bends the river Far, far away from the foot of the…