A materialist looks at life And sees death A believer looks at death And sees life

We can be given responsibility by God but we can only take control

It didn’t matter that I’d been scrupulously carbon neutral; my interlocutors persisted until I realized that the desire to make… had left a vast carbon footprint o…

There was once a time when No Jews allowed Meant No Jews allowed But now they say

Jews learned the hard way That because God sanctions God also sanctions– In this lies their certainty about… Most other nations just know

Sanity requires distance And social media is always Right at our fingertips

Hell is having infinite wishes but using them all to wish for infinite wishes Heaven is having infinite wishes but only needing

It’s widely known that A man’s best availability is his a… The highest praise for a man is What would we do without him? But it’s rarely said that

Somewhere between 27% and 53% of… none of which students can legally… is wasted Let’s split the difference and call it 40%

It’s become harder than ever to be the court jester– you have to use humor to speak

Philosophers dream of “The view from nowhere” Granting pure objectivity Instead, we got the internet’s View from everywhere

Abiding means to wait expectantly, defiantly, or submiss… and I typically manage all three in the grocery store checkout line even in the express lane

Told to shut my mouth I took them literally Zipped my lips And held my breath Until I could stomach it no longe…

To elide is to join together by omitting The world elides Jews abide

In counting on finding our own gra… We counted our chickens before the… And now our chickens have come hom… In the form of the internet’s cons… And there’s just one chicken–