Right up until the last revision it said Life, liberty and the hot pursuit…

I don’t get mad I get odd

Life is short because God knows to leave us wanting more

What is the culture war really bei… The battlefield is littered with c… Those clues are our dead bodies That still walk And talk

The two-week lockdown To bend the curve Turned into a year-and-a-half That bent our minds When

Alas Nobody wakes up in the morning To kiss my ass Miraculously I don’t wake up in the morning

We’re told the space between galaxies is expanding but mightn’t the space within galaxies

Whereas Stanford decided to make its mascot a tree my wife is a decision tree and I am her mascot even though I couldn’t get into S…

Everyone makes fun of the weatherman for getting the forecast wrong as if getting it right is his real job

I can’t guess your age but I can guess your age when you got that tattoo

When randomness blends with lawfulness you get the Loch Ness

My ego is too big

In days gone by we said you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink In these more opportune times it’s widely understood that

He may have gotten away with mass… But at least we didn’t let him Get away with murder