I may look like a tall glass of water but be– ware, I’m half empty

Human beings need to compete for what they want To ruin human beings try meeting their needs

My wife fixed me with a stare that said Really, what haven’t you done for…

Self-discipline is The only real self-indulgence Everything else is self-abnegation

I was always being reassured that I was in the circle of trust but kept in the dark as to my place in it

Life may be defined by loss But the picture Next to the definition Depicts acceptance

One of my favorite Peloton instru… Said the following: “You don’t get stronger during the… You get stronger when you recover” By workout I take him to mean

Somewhere between 27% and 53% of… none of which students can legally… is wasted Let’s split the difference and call it 40%

I used to have my own opinions then I started sharing them

Only a fool believes that the river obeys the riverbed

The bell curve is the Serpent With the lump in the middle Who ate Adam and Eve By convincing us we’re all mostly… But we’ve proven indigestible

Jews will tell you Right up front That they believe They are the chosen people WASPs believe that they believe

I believe in the great man theory of history because the good man theory of history is so obviously false

If people tell you what they plan to do and you don’t believe them it’s because pretending they don’t really mean it

The Cookie Monster is just living up to the name Kermit gave him