When I got my first honey-do list after the wedding I explained to my bride that I us… until I was bitten by one of the 5… that don’t make webs
Alas Nobody wakes up in the morning To kiss my ass Miraculously I don’t wake up in the morning
I respond to A nail in my tire Like it’s the last nail In my coffin
When I caught my wife cutting up… she said it was to prevent birds getting stuck in them like six-pac…
It’s a modern miracle: With social media You can finally Have your fake And be it too
Raised with reverse psychology– Love your enemy– It was only once The world was turned upside down That I saw things as they really…
If you travel through time it’s always the best of times and the worst of times; it’s just the ratio
I could do a passable moonwalk in socks on linoleum but if I put on one glove I had to take off one sock
It is said that It is impossible to define God But this is just because Real power is the opposite of obsc… Nobody knows it when they see it
People think artists are painting, dancing, writing, or… when really they’re all whistling past the graveyard
Inasmuch as handling gold is always a thorny affair all gold is rose gold but black gold
It’s a lot easier for men to dwell in the mystery of what a woman wants than to acknowledge what it is exactly that
Less self-interest is in your best interest except on Pinterest
We call the end of sex the little… And the idea of casual sex Is as absurd as casual death
Civilization began When the sons killed the father And substituted the name-of-the-fa… Civilization is ending Now that we’ve killed off the name…
