I fist met Cap’n Crunch back when he was 2nd Lieutenant C… He did this weird thing where he’d… in the powdered milk powder and sa… Stays crunchy even in milk!
They call it open heart surgery But no one says open brain surgery Because, by default Our minds are closed And the only way to change minds
The eternal flame at Al Gore’s tomb works like the light in a refriger… and only burns when you look at it
All words are defined by other words except for God’s rule
Some people say They were born too late; I was almost born too soon But then along came the internet Just in time to stop time–
The Fed has one lever to pull– interest rates– to keep all of us consuming
80% of success is physical And the other half Of success Is failure
In wristwatch advertisements the doomsday clock is always set to ten past ten
I’ve been racking my brains for the perfect response to accusations of perfectionism only to land at a conundrum: a confession of false modesty is
Modern research methods have detec… that there’s no such thing as a ba… leaving scientists puzzled as to w… the whole bunch is still spoiled
Of course, the west Still thinks it’s the best And in the postmodern west The best is the worst Which is all well and good
Those who can do talk shows Those who can’t teach others to show, don’t tell
It was all systems go in my search for a new belief syst… until I realized all systems go too far
The only possible form of self-awareness is knowing what you want to be true
The difference between your superego and God is that your superego says You must, but you can’t leaving you with worlds of guilt
