Each and every TikTok is a remake of the Zapruder film

Our souls have a body Our bodies have five senses And we all have a sixth sense That there is no sixth sense Yet we’re left with a sense of sel…

The older I get the less I pause for effect This is because the clock is ticking and I’d rather not waste my time

You wanted them all to yourself because they didn’t want anything to do with you and this is the sound of

When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped

In this charming reboot of a classic kidlit gumshoe series our eponymous hero Wikipedia Brown solves thought crimes by

I don’t care about birds but I thrill when the squirrels can’t get to the birdseed

It’s not that you’re jeal– ous, but that you guard your jeal– ousy jealously

It’s taken me this long to underst… like Pee Wee Herman I meant to do that though I’m still unsure why Because as hard as it’s been

All forms of certainty are mutations of knowing that you must die which is why the true believer is always the most likely

Nature codes us for the road Man decodes and lo, a crossroads Where God goads

Social media is proof of concept That you can please Some of the people all of the time And this starts to feel mighty pow… But this feeling is a forgetting

My wife now relates to me very much as she does to stinky cheese

Everything changed when Snob appeal became mass appeal Since once the internet democratiz… It only matters What you can afford to believe

When the panacea for the pandemic was stored inside Pandora’s Box we ended up inside the panopticon