I won’t rest ‘til O– prah puts me on the cover of her magazine

The best way to feel in control even though all control is an illusion is to stand in a line

In the New Age everybody knows that everything happens for a reason but nobody knows the reason so, everybody pastes together

There’s nothing you can say to me that I haven’t already ignored

When I was a child Parents sent their kids Outside to play Now we treat children Like little adults

Strange that we use Out of order for broken and for breaking the rules As if the Coke machine

If you travel through time it’s always the best of times and the worst of times; it’s just the ratio

I brought a wife To a gun fight Don’t worry You haven’t met my wife

Everyone thinks Vladimir and Estr… stay together because they’re both waiting for Godot when really it’s their mutual disdain for Wile E. Coyote

The difference between God and ma… When we get up to our usual shenan… God always says Frankly my dear, I do give a damn

Social media is a dream come true– Finally, I can keep up appearances while letting myself go

I didn’t start consistently moonwa… until they required us to wear Fit… to qualify for our employee health…

The kingdom of heaven is like two otherwise mediocre individuals making a great couple

You’re only a real materialist If you demand that believers Do the impossible And then get angry When they prove you wrong

I changed My mind By following My heart