I survived my humiliation By treating it like a joke Through becoming a joke myself In order to in turn survive my bec… I became a running joke

In the first take of Braveheart’s… Mel Gibson directed William Wall… “Freedom and responsibility!” But as a practiced antisemite Gibson quickly realized his error

We all need to belong somewhere So, we formed online communities And found ourselves belonging nowh… Where once A multitude of One

When they locked down the third pl… (Houses of worship) And made the first two places (Home and work) Into one place

My wife fell right back in love with me when we came up with a rubric

Before the culture war you could talk to someone anyone say what you think and, when necessary, append a

I went to a personal branding work… only to find that my most marketab… leveraging value from a lack of or… lends itself more to generics

God is like a gifted analyst In that He leads you to reach Your own conclusions God is unlike an analyst In that He doesn’t interpret your…

Old habits are hard to break but impossible to make New habits, like flossing, are easy to make

I thought I’d crafted a mystique when all I’d rea– lly made were mistakes

You know a hipster is aging gracef… When he comes to see that Objects in mirror Are closer than they appear

Takeoff always happens just as we are running out of runway

There’s no time like the present: Do it now Like, there’s no time like the pre… Do it now, but from an ironic dist… There’s no time to like the presen…

I know a guy who knows Paul Simon who told me the real reason for th… was that Paul got sick of Garfunk… stalling for thyme

When you come in peace I fall to pieces And then collect myself For the gathering storm