When the panacea for the pandemic was stored inside Pandora’s Box we ended up inside the panopticon

We call the end of sex the little… And the idea of casual sex Is as absurd as casual death

There are two types of men: Those who lie to deceive and those who by lying tell you what they really believe There is one type of woman:

It’s all over but for the shouting and this is the shouting

When I got my first honey-do list after the wedding I explained to my bride that I us… until I was bitten by one of the 5… that don’t make webs

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

A people pleaser pretends to live in Youtopia but really resides in Myopia because all he can see is what he needs from you

My mistake was Worrying they would throw me to th… Which is how wolves in sheep’s clo… Herd sheep I only escaped when I learned

The first half of life: If it ain’t broke Don’t fix it The second half of life: If you can’t fix it

When I said That’s none of your business they replied Actually, that’s our entire busine…

If you fear death You will try to control God By controlling others To prevent them from killing you If you fear God

If husbands were like pro basketball players I’d be an all star but one with an exceptionally low trade value

When they drew a winner It looked like we’d won By the luck of the draw But we came by our good fortune The honest way:

It turns out they were right when they removed the self-destruc… explaining You won’t be needing this anymore now that you have autocorrect

The annoying thing about blenders Is how loud they are But then again My mouth functions as a blender And I’m a loudmouth