I thought I was too smart for my own good But happily, I’d overestimated my… and I was just smart enough to be vaporous

When life gives you A bottomless pit Fill it with Bottomless fries

The conceit of individualism was that you could have a type without even wondering if you might be a type

Slow and steady wins the race If there is no finish line How do you win If you can’t finish first? If you’re the one

Where once it was widely understoo… That the only way to defeat evil Is by defeating it Which is always possible because God is in control

When I caught my wife cutting up… she said it was to prevent birds getting stuck in them like six-pac…

If you want to remain married one partner should stay busy moving the goalposts while the other focuses on running out the clock

God isn’t dead which is another way of saying God isn’t unemployed and still has the same job just with a new job description

The jig is finally up When Mr. Cool Goes to shul

I’m always leaving things at church so the lost and found won’t be empty

Were I not happily married to my Jewish bride I would have happily lived out the rest of my days none the wiser

Nero fiddles while Rome burns? Fiddle-de-dee! Nero riddles but Rome never learn…

Catwoman shamed Batman into getting out of the Batmobile… by telling him it was just like ec…

God already knows Where this is all going But it’s up to all of us How we get there

The difference between Being asleep at the wheel And being asleep at the wheel Of a self-driving car Is that in the former