In the official version of my life I love my life In real life I love life itself

If you need to appear weak to access power you’ll end up weak-kneed and abuse your power

If you really loved robins you would stuff your bird feeder full of worms

Thanks to his bifocals Ben Franklin could see that while we might look like bald… up close we’re clearly turkeys

Human beings would be hopeless but for God being hopelessly in love with us

The distorting effects of social m… have left us warped But we’ve made the best of it seeking our daily pleasure in deciding what

The opposite of bad breath Isn’t good breath It’s fresh breath Because all breath is good So, you never have to hold your br…

Yes, we have no bananas but we still need you to play second banana

The difference between art and rea… is that the artist is doomed to re… the triumphs of the past

In the first take of Braveheart’s… Mel Gibson directed William Wall… “Freedom and responsibility!” But as a practiced antisemite Gibson quickly realized his error

It was easier to live the lie I w… Than to face the truth we all knew But eventually The truth blew up in my face And now it’s written all over my f…

The conceit of individualism was that you could have a type without even wondering if you might be a type

There was once a time when No Jews allowed Meant No Jews allowed But now they say

Anxiety, like loneliness, is a sig… that something is very wrong and amidst an epidemic of anxiety with no end in sight the greatest danger lies in

Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened