I’ve never been good at shaving I struggle to put on deodorant wit… And I’m frequently dripping tooth… Onto that same shirt In this an many other ways

If a time traveler got out of his… Here and now He’d surely say “You cannot be serious” Because serious people

A wedding ring is a mood ring that never changes color reminding us that a husband should always feel

Everybody impersonates who they used to be but only some are impostors

God said satis– faction guaranteed; religion is all the fine print

I’ll never forget when a guy standing in his front yard confronted me about looking into parked car windows mistaking me for a car thief

Where once I feared death Now I fear that Death will be anticlimactic

Miss Suzie had a scapegoat The scapegoat was Hillel Miss Suzie went to heaven The scapegoat went to Hello terminator

Chaucer said All good things must come to an en… Which was widely If begrudgingly Accepted as a good thing

My shampoo is nine– ty nine percent natural, as if that were enough

2/3 of the Earth Is covered by water So, most of the underground Is under water Accordingly, in dreams

Goodbye is not always goodbye In fact, it never is For while I may never see you aga… I’ll never unsee you

My wife is R2-D2 Which, of course Makes me C-3PO She is constantly getting us into… In order to save us from ourselves

God is the storm un– til He becomes your shelter from the storm. Amen

I have a different problem: there are no feelings to express my words