When I got my first honey-do list after the wedding I explained to my bride that I us… until I was bitten by one of the 5… that don’t make webs

History’s first lesson– the ABCs– is that, unless coerced not to people kill the ones they hate History’s second lesson–

When we imagine the future, we say One day Because One day is the name of a day As in New Year’s Day

If you want to predict the future determine what is most taken for g… and imagine a world without it I predict a future where words will be replaced

It wasn’t false modesty exactly You might call it un-unpretentious if you were being pretentious

In days gone by we said you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink In these more opportune times it’s widely understood that

The only ones Who antisemites hate more than Je… Are Jews who defend themselves There is a name For their belief system:

We expect a fiduciary relationship with our financial advisors and all they do is help handle the money Yet we so often fail

If you pull my heartstring I’ll say one of eleven pre-recorded phrases but you can only hear the ones in the first four dimensions

We think of death As the worst-case scenario But what if In the best-case scenario Death is the answer to a question?

People are the opposite of baked potatoes– If you keep poking holes in their theories they will explode

Language shouldn’t work A word, all words Are defined by other words Defined by still further words And on and on

I’ve never believed in being proac… so instead of expecting the unexpe… I got the surprise of my life but found it altogether unexceptio…

A mid-life crisis happens when you realize that life is a treadmill which keeps speeding up until you fall off

Until the company’s weekend retrea… I didn’t know that my leadership s… was like never having braces but still wearing a retainer