It would have been enough Had God merely kept His promises But since He knows a thing or two About human psychology God always under-promises and over…

Just because life is good doesn’t mean it isn’t also too much of a good thing

We have achieved the classless society: eve– rything is tacky

My soul is the sole part of me My body makes me one of us My mind is made up Of body and soul– So, just like you, I am

It turns out they were right when they removed the self-destruc… explaining You won’t be needing this anymore now that you have autocorrect

Notice how the giraffe evolved so that its neck is precisely long… to reach the water when it bends d…

When the cat’s away the mice will be paralyzed by all the choices

Bureaucracy’s biggest sin Is malingering as democracy– Bureaucracy sees the will of the p… As a form of madness But pretends to follow the will of…

It is only when you conduct a fearless moral inventory that you will come to fear God because you knew the right thing t… but did the wrong thing anyway

Maya Angelou says we have one hand to help others and one hand to help ourselves

I bought a Toyota because it’s bulletproof to compensate for the fact that I’m not even rubber bulletproof

Poets are to their poems As parents are to their children Preparing them for the world Without knowing what they will do

I could do a passable moonwalk in socks on linoleum but if I put on one glove I had to take off one sock

The first half of life: If it ain’t broke Don’t fix it The second half of life: If you can’t fix it

Beware the self-loathing salesman who loves what he does– If you buy what he’s selling then you bought it because you broke it