When I was a baby My mother wiped my bum Social media, then, is the fountai… As I become its obedient child Every time it wipes my memory
In my experience it’s not necessarily true that one plus one must equal two The sum is nearly always
Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened
Social media has made the famous so accessible that it’s like you can see the face of… but instead of dying you want to take a nap
I can never remember street names navigating strictly by landmarks taking left turns just past abandoned doughnut shops impugning me to keep my marriage
Human beings would be hopeless but for God being hopelessly in love with us
In becoming a celebrity a person meets the same kind of de… that a tree does in becoming a Christmas tree– embalmed in sugar
My wife I mean my life Is a fulfillment of dreams Where I wish I were wearing pants
You can’t know what you will decid… But you will know when you have de… You can’t know how you will act on… But you already know what is at st… Everything hangs in the balance;
Jews have learned the hard way How to discern when someone has Failed to earn their F for failin… The tell is whenever a Jew just Living a life
You know a civilization by its ass… and ours assumes a great deal of d… To finance that debt we assume that the best predictor of future… is past behavior
I always thought everybody was saying It’s better to be safe, then sorry
Mother Goose was always considere… a good enough mother Until lately we realized her failure to smother It was unanimous
My mistake was Worrying they would throw me to th… Which is how wolves in sheep’s clo… Herd sheep I only escaped when I learned
I didn’t start consistently moonwa… until they required us to wear Fit… to qualify for our employee health…
