The difference between Being asleep at the wheel And being asleep at the wheel Of a self-driving car Is that in the former

When anything you think Can and will be used against you The purpose of state-funded educat… Will be learning not to think As the doyens of higher learning

Relationships are hard work unless you’ve preemptively announc… that you’re quitting but staying on as a volunteer

She was so cool that even her periods were fashionably late

It was only when I shared my out of body experience that I came to understand it was nothing out of character

That moment when you reclassify yourself from a mystery to an unsolved mystery

The difference between Mother Nature and God the Father is that the former doesn’t suffer fools gladly while the latter

Would my dentist still want me to floss if he knew that’s how I justified not going to the dentist

Jews have learned the hard way How to discern when someone has Failed to earn their F for failin… The tell is whenever a Jew just Living a life

We are all problem children Our problem is Everything we do is done to get a… As if every action doesn’t come wi… An equal and opposite reaction

I can’t just let go of my past I have to lose a tug of war and get third degree rope burns

My life was about to go down the drain but the drain was clogged

When the doyennes of progressive a… “From the river to the sea is an a… human rights, and peaceful coexist… Bernard-Henri Levy helpfully tran… “‘From the river to the sea’, whic…

The only reason that people wear clothes is because they have language

Life is either A whole lotta nothing Or a whole lotta love Nothing could be easier than love Then again