If your phalanges cause you to philander pluck off the ring

The sloth’s plangent gaze confirms what we already know: The eighth deadly sin is haste

If you accept this mission This message will self-destruct In five seconds So that you can be born believing… Which is the necessary condition

When I was a child Parents sent their kids Outside to play Now we treat children Like little adults

What I lack in subtlety I make up for in volume

The lower classes are those people who are not allowed to compete To feel good about perpetuating th…

If you want to predict the future determine what is most taken for g… and imagine a world without it I predict a future where words will be replaced

When they start to call you clear-eyed it just means you’re a cynic whose time has come

Faced with a forced choice The agnostic feigns ignorance For if you ask a woman to marry yo… And she says I don’t know

I thought my alarm clock woke me up each day but the day I realized it had always been a false alarm was the day I realized

My favorite plot twists have always been quicksand and amnesia but I have this sinking feeling I’m forgetting something

I believe in the great man theory of history because the good man theory of history is so obviously false

Civilization began When the sons killed the father And substituted the name-of-the-fa… Civilization is ending Now that we’ve killed off the name…

The sixth extinction was hardest of all on the balloon animal artists

Liberalism without religion is lik… dining at an all-you-can-eat buffe… There’s plenty of everything but everything is so-so Religion without liberalism is lik…