I won’t rest ‘til O– prah puts me on the cover of her magazine
Yes, humans suck– that’s a universal The reason we haven’t been able to fix it is that being a human doesn’t suck for eve…
We don’t have to take care of our… But we have no choice God doesn’t have to be with us But He always is– The choice is ours
I believe in the great man theory of history because the good man theory of history is so obviously false
When hell freezes over we’ll all skate on our sins
Note that the male tes– tes are exactly the size of small potatoes
God’s command to cells was slightly different: be fruitful and divide
It’s only once you realize There’s no such thing As your own success That you avoid becoming A victim of your own success
Cartoonists always draw the lightb… pointing up so that no one will think it’s a n…
To be an apparatchik In our collective dissolution of… It matters not Which side you take Just as long as you remain
My wife fell right back in love with me when we came up with a rubric
Unconditional love is unbearable so there’s always at least one unspoken rule given to its recipie… Just don’t waste it on them
If I’ve learned one thing from Pa… it’s that until I believe in God I will be enslaved to others That would have been enough! But I also learned that
The path to victo– ry begins with laughing at yourself in defeat
Actual justice consists of hearing both sides of the story in order to decide which side is in the right meaning that justice
