You know a hipster is aging gracef… When he comes to see that Objects in mirror Are closer than they appear

I try to imagine what it was like for my wife when two lines meant positive and the closest I get is when

The culture war is a cyber war where you can’t tell that you’re behind enemy lines until you’re compelled to read your lines

The truth, in fact, is not out the… It’s in here And that echo you hear Is where the truth, your heart, go… Making efforts to reintroduce the…

Putin lost his mind then he lost his war then he lost his job or Putin dropped the mask

You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…

The intelligentsia’s job used to b… Biting the invisible hand that fee… And because they couldn’t see it a… They established the surveillance… To locate it everywhere

Steely Dan sings “I don’t wanna do your dirty work… again and again only once intoning “I foresee terrible trouble

If we’re being scientific, then The more certain you are that quan… The less certain you become as to… i.e., It works like a charm And if we’re being honest, when

The number one rule For doing a number on us Is taking a number Because when our number comes up It’s only ever because our days ar…

I know I’m losing an argument with my friends when my thoughts turn to lunch I know I’m winning when I’m about to lose my lunch

You can spend your life trying to understand why bad things happen to good people only to learn that good people do bad things

In person we can struggle for equality Online we’ve already achieved

You can either learn to ride a bik… with no hands in order to show off or to free your hands for another task

Going home had come to feel like dining in a restaurant where the food is celebrated but the customers merely tolerated