When Eddie Money said “I’ve got two tickets to paradise” he didn’t mention that the paradise sales team only sells tickets in pairs

Never Win Anything

Of late, being good materialists we put space first calling this universe spacetime Yet, at the speed of light it’s not space collapsing

Our glass Is an hourglass And whether it is half-full Or half-empty Time is running out

The essay portion of the test Was explaining why The test only consists Of multiple-choice questions So, I wrote:

When we were kids we liked to spell Mississippi out loud for fun but we never pronounced the S’s–

Your mind Is playing a trick on you And you are the trick But since all healing Is a form of getting over yourself

In France everyone thinks Scotch tape is crap

The original version’s working title was The Giveth and Taketh Away Tree but Silverstein couldn’t get it published

Just as a lucky horseshoe works Whether you believe in it or not As long as the competition to pass… Goes on forever Then everyone’s a winner

It’s not for me to judge What is it? Me And I’ve gotta be me So, free will consists of

It’s the odd couple that isn’t always trying to even the score

Father knows best practice is to ask your mother

I was happy alone Because being together Meant being lonely Until you showed me That being together

You’ve used others When you use your talents To serve yourself You’ve used God When you use your talents