Fox News said it was “Fair and B… which supposedly meant that it was… because it was balanced but really it meant that it was fa… because it wasn’t balanced–

Yes, everything good between a man and a wo– man involves friction

Every night when I go to sleep my dreams fulfill my dearest wishe… so that I can make it through anot… But the metaverse is a dreamscape where your avatar is only allowed…

You’ll know you’ve weathered their gaslighting if you feel dazed but not confused

The US Constitution rules out cruel and unusual punishment but that and a nickel will get you 1% of a cup of coffee now that cruelty is the usual

The trick is to craft a conformism so elaborate that you convince yourself it’s bespoke

When the devil told me “Fuck-up is a noun And so are you” I didn’t know if he meant I’m also a fuck-up

Hell is other people Purgatory is other people’s money Heaven is money

Anticipation or dread work equally well at stopping time though the length of the work week

Women give hints So that men will think It was their idea I’ve never been good at taking a h… But I’m good at following orders

Carry a pen, should you need to write “Note to self: Congratulations!”

Just as Tastes like chicken is code for I only want chicken I don’t know what I want

What is the internet? It’s not a thing in space and time It’s a nothing in timeless cybersp… You could represent it with– “The symbol zero denoting the abse…

When God closes one store He opens another

They can’t kick sand in your face if your head is al– ready in the sand