We think nothing’s shocking since we’ve seen it all when really it’s because we’re blind to the obvious

Life is a brief window of opportun… And the opportunity of a lifetime Consists of the chance To help turn the wheel of time Which turns everything towards the…

My psychic told me I needed to ta… I said I already knew that I came here to look before I leap

If you cut off an arm you are left with a stump to which you affix a prosthetic If you cut off a face you are left with a mask

Social media– the bureaucracy of the people– is an eternal now where you always have just enough time

Known knowns: Who I think you think I am Known unknowns: Who you think I am Unknown unknowns:

Jews have learned the hard way How to discern when someone has Failed to earn their F for failin… The tell is whenever a Jew just Living a life

People don’t generally like instru… because music without words is just math come alive Adding words to music takes it from counting time

Guilty, I’d pled when left for dead for what I had said but as the undead squeezed my bonehead

Ever since I got my first smartphone it feels like I’m visiting a museum and all the decent human beings

Given a choice I’d rather open a restau– rant than my marriage

If a tree falls in the forest and your husband is there does it make a sound

There’s only one way To win a game of chicken But there are two ways to lose And the only chance of victory Is knowing ahead of time

My wife sleeps on her back while I sleep in the mis– take prone position

Civilization is an attempt to filibuster death