Two roads diverged the one to the left leading up the garden path the one to the right leading down the garden path

Alas Nobody wakes up in the morning To kiss my ass Miraculously I don’t wake up in the morning

My children have no idea they are living through a golden age of comedy

In communist Russia no one wanted to be seen to be the first person to stop clapping for Stalin In America today

Humble pie is A required taste Until it becomes An acquired taste

The difference between a black hole and a rabbit hole is that light can’t escape a black… but light can’t get in a rabbit ho…

The bell curve is the Serpent With the lump in the middle Who ate Adam and Eve By convincing us we’re all mostly… But we’ve proven indigestible

There are only two real superpowers: unacknowledged plagiarism and begrudging cooperation

Given a choice We prefer A fait accompli

The difference between God and ma… Is that man can’t abide A free Jew While God will abide With the Jews

The new Speech Code prohibits use of the phrase “Speak for yourself” due to its aggressive tone and threatening connotations

Tom Brady keeps a portrait of him… that is becoming progressively more likable

The ego (that’s you) is a symptom of lack (that’s nothing)

In real life we used to say I’ll see your talk and raise you action but that was just too risky Preferring no stakes

All behavior is purposeful and all behavior is self-serving until you realize that all behavior is self-serving which is when you find out what ha…