In this age of relentless people p… the merest exercise of reason is always a form of treason
The United States’ motto is still In God We Trust but everyone knows that’s come to mean Don’t Get Your Hopes Up
Theoretically, Schrodinger’s Cat is both alive and dead at the same time In reality, cats have nine lives and one death
Late capitalism compensated for it… by blending it into its own propri… No one can redeem the past But everyone can redeem coupons!
Pacifism is the ultimate weapon For if you can prohibit your enemy From defending himself Then all that’s left Is to love him to death
When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped
The turning point came after I pegged my happi– ness to the dollar
“Life”, as it’s come to be known,… And ends with a grand finale But in between there’s just a lot… And grandiloquent small talk But there are grand plans for a se…
Why do we say Where there’s smoke, there’s fire when It’s the smoke that kills you, not…
In the battle between good and evil good appears to be playing for a tie Evil,
You’ve used others When you use your talents To serve yourself You’ve used God When you use your talents
At the end of The Sorcerer’s App… as chaos reaches a crescendo the sorcerer appears just in time and sets things back in order Apprenticed to no one,
In hopes of finally nailing down All the right answers We converted English into math Filtering language through ones an… Making all stories into word probl…
Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened
Every strength comes with a weakne… So, when a recent headline said “Is Xi Jinping all-powerful or we… it demonstrated that our greatest… is the ability to ask a stupid que…
