God is the only Subject Who see things objectively So, God’s object Is to change the subject And God knows that, like Him, we…

Decisions my wife doesn’t make are settled by stare decisis

Notice how the giraffe evolved so that its neck is precisely long… to reach the water when it bends d…

In my culture low hanging fruit is considered a delicacy

To break up with your significant other just say I need space To break it off

I survived my humiliation By treating it like a joke Through becoming a joke myself In order to in turn survive my bec… I became a running joke

Faith can only move mountains by ignoring mountains of evidence Like most people who’ve lost their… I’ve retained my ability to ignore mountains of evidence

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

Before I met you the happiest I’d ever been was when everything I’d ever wante… was on lay-away because I didn’t have to make any…

Believing that one can use social media for good is like thinking one can live in the Matrix without fueling the Machines

The distant past– Strong enough for a man, pH balan… The recent past– Strong enough for a woman The present–

Immortality still involves death Because we all still fear death Enough to die from it Moshiach will be the one Whose immortality eliminates death

When you first arrive in hell they… Get comfortable, you’re going to b… Which is exactly how they hold on…

They call it open heart surgery But no one says open brain surgery Because, by default Our minds are closed And the only way to change minds