It feels like I’m writ– ing an unauthorized au– tobiography

The Bad News Bears Bear the bad news That people tend to kill the messe… They are the bearers of bad news Not because they bear bad news

I was the first ever lobster discovered in the wild with a rubber band around my claw clamping it shut

Freedom looks like Total autonomy When really, it’s The deepest connection

All ideas that stood the test of t… Are outdated ideas because They failed to meet our search cri… There’s no time like the present

Where once it was widely understoo… That the only way to defeat evil Is by defeating it Which is always possible because God is in control

As long as I’m working I only feel free time slipping away The fear is that if I stopped working

Carry a pen, should you need to write “Note to self: Congratulations!”

A woman’s air of mystery is intended as the breath of life but received by men as a crime to be solved

You can’t take it with you tells us how to live well But we think it means living forev… and so, we’ve invested in Shell In the hopes that our savings will…

The number one cause of divorce Is holding a grudge We are divorced from reality Because we hold a grudge against t… We resent the truth

We used to worry about selling out; now we’re terrified of not buying in

The rug saves its harshest critique for the carpet

The only way to become friends And stay friends Is to spend time together Is it any wonder, then That pandemic lockdowns

Notice how the giraffe evolved so that its neck is precisely long… to reach the water when it bends d…