Self-discipline is The only real self-indulgence Everything else is self-abnegation
Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski
Marriage is a safe harbor until the moment you harbor a grudge
I was caught between a rock and a hard place unable to decide on a way out Instead, you decided on me
Who is my trainer? God Who is my sparring partner? God Who is my cornerman?
When you first arrive in hell they… Get comfortable, you’re going to b… Which is exactly how they hold on…
Every writer has mistaken his shotgun for a rifle– He may hit where he aims but he will also surely miss In discharging his will to power
Language is great for Letting us tell each other Where it hurts And you keep telling me It hurts when I don’t listen
Faced with a forced choice The agnostic feigns ignorance For if you ask a woman to marry yo… And she says I don’t know
I can love God forever Or I can have a beautiful bust of… And gaze upon it until I die Or, even better Upload the image of my bust to the…
When I die I’m go– ing to donate my body to pseudoscience
God will accept everything about you but the one thing He won’t take is the blame
A long time ago I received my mission statement: The best version of myself isn’t t… I’m currently on my ten thousandth… Trying to figure out what this mea…
The only possible form of self-awareness is knowing what you want to be true
I always thought saying slide trombone was like saying pizza pie until I heard about the valve trombone
