How can you tell the pseudo-intell… From the overly intellectual? The former will tell you how While the latter will tell you to… But since I can’t tell
In the age of divorce It needs to be said: If you don’t want to end up divorc… Do not covet your neighbor’s ex-wi…
She believed me when I said that my life was based on a true story
Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened
None of us can see further than our own noses but Pinocchio can see further than the rest of us
I’ve always been more interested in who wrote the book of self-love
If you pursue any vice long enough you’ll either become bored or addi… scratch that– you’ll either become bored and qui… or bored and addicted
During the rodeo clown shortage nobody thought that the rodeo mime… but the mimes surprised everyone distracting the bulls by silently evoking the dignity
It’s capitalism after it shed its skin
When people say I live on my phone I wonder how they withstand the pr… Of eight tons per square inch
When I was a kid people grew on me like grass Now they’re more like sod
We crave connection Because we need it But we are addicted to social medi… Because it’s the last thing we nee… Social media mediates attention
If it’s not anticlimactic it wasn’t worth all the effort
God doesn’t make mistakes; God makes people People make mistakes And learn from them that God doesn’t make mistakes
In this age of relentless people p… the merest exercise of reason is always a form of treason
