When I was a kid the rule was one kid got to pour two glasses of Coke and the other kid

When I filter my selfie it becomes a safie

I was never comfortable in my own skin but I always felt okay in alligator boots

In becoming a celebrity a person meets the same kind of de… that a tree does in becoming a Christmas tree– embalmed in sugar

The central paradox of our broken world is known through the feeling of unsurprised disappointment Hope is the belief

Philosophers dream of “The view from nowhere” Granting pure objectivity Instead, we got the internet’s View from everywhere

Jews learned the hard way That because God sanctions God also sanctions– In this lies their certainty about… Most other nations just know

Alas Nobody wakes up in the morning To kiss my ass Miraculously I don’t wake up in the morning

Don’t talk to strangers; Sing with them

If you’re going to take sick leave… take FMLA

When the panacea for the pandemic was stored inside Pandora’s Box we ended up inside the panopticon

If you pursue any vice long enough you’ll either become bored or addi… scratch that– you’ll either become bored and qui… or bored and addicted

In cyberspace We play Simon Says In an endless repetition of Repeat after me In the world to come

Well at least he died doing something he felt he had no choice about

I used to stand on the moral high ground to look myself in the eye but now that I’ve plucked it out and thrown it away