A wise man once told me that there are two kinds of family prob… He said Family Problem #1 is not having a family

We are connected therefore I think I am A nexus without a group

I used to stand on the moral high ground to look myself in the eye but now that I’ve plucked it out and thrown it away

She was so cool that even her periods were fashionably late

Mid-life is when you realize you’re in a clown car The end of life is about accepting that of all the clowns

In my experience it’s not necessarily true that one plus one must equal two The sum is nearly always

The faceless horde finds strength in numbers by losing themselves in the crowd But when your numbers are small

Many people think of life as a gift but to me it’s more like

When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped

When the ruffian challenges the professional by querying Am I here to amuse you? the professional displays his domi…

When randomness blends with lawfulness you get the Loch Ness

They couldn’t have been more obvio… in their preparations for the surp… trusting that I was the type loathe to ruin my own surprise

For years I sojourned as a humble… Hanging all my hopes On one day emerging as a brilliant… For my moment in the sun Inching ever forward towards the s…

In real life we used to say I’ll see your talk and raise you action but that was just too risky Preferring no stakes

Social media is a dream come true– Finally, I can keep up appearances while letting myself go