Would my dentist still want me to floss if he knew that’s how I justified not going to the dentist

Johnny Cash is going to Jackson; I have been to Jacksonville

Life is a talent show where most everyone is doing bad versions of easy impressions

I’ve started blind copying my wife on emails to myself

They put a circle at dead ends so you can either live there or turn back but we just keep

The United States’ motto is still In God We Trust but everyone knows that’s come to mean Don’t Get Your Hopes Up

Life is a test but I’d been treating it like a quiz– which is a preparation for a test– under the assumption that when I d…

When you have to be rich just to be middle class what do you have to do to be rich? That’s what they call a good quest… And since you have no choice

When anything you think Can and will be used against you The purpose of state-funded educat… Will be learning not to think As the doyens of higher learning

In my experience it’s not necessarily true that one plus one must equal two The sum is nearly always

The B is silent in subtle but spo… B-cause a B-ing B-comes human by saying the quiet… The B-all and end-all Is the B-ginning and the end

The revolution will be permanent When nobody means what they say But everybody memes what they say

Instead of the invisible hand bending self-interest towards the collective good we got the risible glad-hand laughing our selfishness off

Consider the vowel: In Marxism, the last shall remain… as the second A in materialism always becomes the second E in mat… And in capitalism, of course

Where once an artist was a creator she is now a creative because a noun requires a verb and we’re meant to do nothing which pays well on the internet