In Loving Memory Rickie Lee Hawthorne
(2014)
I have whispered your name into the air so many times it has become the breeze that blows
I see words screaming for attention etched in the lines of your face Let me look closer
I was like a rain cloud over a small garden and dammit if you weren’t that garden so full of flowers that I fell in love
If nature were so flattered by poems written with itself in mind as people are we would be moving mountains
Loving you was never sweet like the taste of vanilla the way I thought it was supposed to be It was more like
Everyday brings a new death in three words give or take Some days I drown
Under the weight of life I forget how to breathe and I feel suffocated I hesitantly make peace with the world
I wish you had told me that on the good days kissing you would make me think that I knew what happiness was and on the bad days
You were the wind beneath my wings but I was Icarus so all I did
If I was once the tallest mountain your love was the wind that eroded me to nothing
You asked what I knew about you and I thought up a list of twenty things
I awoke in the dark next to you and more alone than ever I was amazed to hear your heart beating from
I’ve kept my eyes closed most of these past eighteen years because I find it just as dark
I’ll keep searching for the meaning of life and I hope I find it as crumpled paper nearish a trash can
I feel empty unceasingly until you come along and fill my heart to bursting