My team, my wonderful team won a game yesterday. They can lift their heads high and celebrate. They are no longer holders of a 0 and 164 record. They are now 1 and 164 thanks to their victory over the St. Mary’s Team of Elderly Retirees.

Everybody showed up for the game this time and didn’t stay home in disgust. Not everybody struck out this time. Somebody got a hit when the bat accidently hit the ball and it dribbled down the first base line, and the first baseman dude thought it was foul, and since the batter never hit a ball before, he got confused and just stood there. Then somebody told the batter to run to first base. He said, “What? I can’t hear you. Did you say have fun with Nurse Grace? You have to speak louder.”

Then he ran as fast as he could to first. He finally got there about ten minutes later. Then as he rounded first, the first baseman threw the ball to second. Somebody yelled at the second baseman that the runner’s coming. He thought he said that the end is coming, so he got the hell out of there.

The center fielder was blind and didn’t see the ball coming, so the left fielder came racing over to field the ball. Since it took him about five minutes to get there, the runner rounded second and headed for third. Then the left fielder forgot where he was and ran away thinking that the place was on fire. Then the right fielder had to go and get the ball. While he was on his way, the runner rounded third on his way to home plate. Since the right fielder took so long, the runner had plenty of time to score the winning run; about twenty minutes. He got beat out by a turtle, but at least he won the game.

My team can no longer hang their heads in shame. Who knows? Maybe they can win another one if everybody can remember what the hell they’re doing and what they’re here for. Maybe we can even keep going on and beat the Yankees someday. What a fantastic team we have become. Hoorah, hoorah, hoorah!