When the NSA reads my email are they ab– le to discern tone

It’s counterintuitive but refusing to make hard choices only to see them made on your beha… by the loudest voices still counts as being hoisted by y…

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

It was only after we debuted our sugar coated raisins to fight back against Craisins that I realized you could win hearts and minds

Men require 613 mitzvos to cleave… As tightly as God cleaves to them Which is indivisibly Women, born closer to God Require just 599 mitzvos to cleave…

I’ve never believed in being proac… so instead of expecting the unexpe… I got the surprise of my life but found it altogether unexceptio…

All forms of certainty are mutations of knowing that you must die which is why the true believer is always the most likely

We can all agree that life is the number one cause of death But no one wants to admit that death is the only cause of ne… Nevertheless, we love our children

In counting on finding our own gra… We counted our chickens before the… And now our chickens have come hom… In the form of the internet’s cons… And there’s just one chicken–

She went to law school; I bet it all on brick ov– en pita and lost

Keep in mind that if you’re going to jump from the frying pan into the fire a golden parachute just buys you plenty of time to ponder

Scientists insist that 95% of the… consists of undetectable, unknowab… because this belief makes their ca… Like you and me the little that they do know

People can’t really love their ene… but they sure can love the enemy of their enemy which actually gets them awful clo… to universal love anyway

For those who are real– ly asking, the truth is al– ways multi-tasking