It’s always darkest before the yawn

An army marches on its stomach but it convoys on its internal combustion engine Still, the way to

A materialist looks at life And sees death A believer looks at death And sees life

John F. Kennedy’s hair was so lus… for the most part men never wore hats again At first we must have looked oddly like tub…

You cannot beat God in any sport but you can tie Him in bowling

Upon dying peacefully in my sleep surrounded by family after a long, prosperous life the Grim Reaper looked at me and… I’m glad to see you’ve arrived saf…

There is no theory of quantum grav… Because– Einstein notwithstanding– No one understands gravity There is no theory of God

If you want to feel a little bit guilty just break a rule or two But if you want to feel well and truly guilty

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

Hell is a bottomless pit Making the first step towards heav… Hitting rock bottom I’m addicted to control And I’m handing control back to G…

Liberalism deepened by religion Religion widened by liberalism Until the body and soul politic Is so deep That it swallows our fears

If you can catch someone lying to… you can figure out what they want… If you can catch yourself lying to… you can figure out your own desire The former can make you rich

In the confession booth I have a confession to make so that I can receive forgiveness In the show trial I have a confession to make up

How much Are you willing to sacrifice For what You cannot have

I’ve never won an argument with my wife but since I learned to let her have the last word I’ve consistently covered the spre…