It’s the odd couple that isn’t always trying to even the score

The universe is a kinetic watch so time only keeps going if we’re on the move making Zeno’s paradox of motion just a way of reassuring ourselves

I have two dogs Which means I’m in double trouble I have three daughters Which means

If you’re going to take sick leave… take FMLA

It was only after we debuted our sugar coated raisins to fight back against Craisins that I realized you could win hearts and minds

What is the difference between expressing a feeling and expressing the absence of feel… It is the difference between living under the threat of the Rea…

My soul is the sole part of me My body makes me one of us My mind is made up Of body and soul– So, just like you, I am

The realist doesn’t look at clouds… that describes the escapist The realist looks at clouds and se… from her childhood

If your phalanges cause you to philander pluck off the ring

The American far left lacks a unifying Great Leader because as a cult of narcissists each disparate member belongs to their own

Unlike the erstwhile folks in acco… AI has a balance sheet for taste and determined that after their recent depreciation all jokes are in poor taste

There is one reason And one reason alone That God won’t ever give up on yo… You are His job And God loves His job

The number one cause of divorce Is holding a grudge We are divorced from reality Because we hold a grudge against t… We resent the truth

Even when I’ve had sweet dreams Sleeping leaves a bad taste in my… Because even good dreams are bad d… Since the worst thing you can do t… Is to fulfill his wishes