Everything dear to you? You can take all of that and throw it out the Overton window

Some people have baggage; I come with furniture Fortunately, my wife enjoys rearranging

If husbands were like pro basketball players I’d be an all star but one with an exceptionally low trade value

Carry a pen, should you need to write “Note to self: Congratulations!”

Marxism is a sadism with a simple formula: My happiness becomes real the moment yours is dematerialized

Finding themselves at court in a r… for a body politic gone mad withou… aides could only hope to exploit h… bias in lieu of appeals to his dec…

Until the company’s weekend retrea… I didn’t know that my leadership s… was like never having braces but still wearing a retainer

Heart cancer is vanishingly rare because a heart of gold only spreads love, not gold while a mind of gold inevitably spreads all the way

It was an offer I thought I couldn’t refuse: You can sit there and take it Or leave it Having nowhere to go

I grew up listening to Barbara St… You don’t bring me flowers anymore and determined I’d never make that… Ten years into marriage my wife sa… Don’t bring me flowers anymore

A mid-life crisis happens when you realize that life is a treadmill which keeps speeding up until you fall off

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

In the cyber proxy war of all agai… We are all fighting each other So that none of us have to fight Our own worst inclinations

You seem to have caught me in a gr… But it can’t be at all my fault if As you’ll see in the hieroglyph My back is to the cliff Over which the lemmings drift

The climate change deniers missed the boat on all the ocean front property in Arizon…