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The Confessional
I don’t know where to start
Too much to say
So much more to lose
I know what I am risking
But I don’t have a choice
I need someone to know
The heaviness
That weighs in my heart
Tired of the struggle
To make through the day
Needing some support
Even if only an impartial ear
Someone to listen
Without any judgement
So I make my decision
Determining my fate
I will not let die
I will fight
I will hold my head up high
I have no reason to feel shame
I am not the one to blame
But the dirt on my hands
Won’t wash off
The ugliness
The touches
Seen each time I look down
I need help
So here I go
My soul on display
This is my confession
My childhood
Wasn’t always great
Preyed on by vultures
Bruised inside and out
I don’t remember much
There are a lot of holes
An act of self-perseverance
The only way
To survive each new act
Anything to make it
Through the day
Just another day
This is what I told myself
Each time I prayed for death
Their touches
Both gentle and harsh
Burns to my flesh
Turning my insides to ash
Ignoring the rancid stench
Of my dying innocence
Praying for my soul
With each new sin committed
I learned young not to trust
That there is no place to run
Nowhere to hide for good
So forgetting was all there was
My only chance
To make it out alive
I perfected the knack of detachment
Shutting the door inside my mind
And securing it tight
So no one could get inside
Not even I
This is how I made it
This is how I survived
Some memories are so dark
I can’t let myself remember
The reason for forgetting
Always at the forefront of my mind
I feel it in my heart
Deep within my soul
Even if I the details are not clear
I know what lies behind those blinds
Held guarded in my mind.
A prison I still struggle to escape
Each and every day
Especially at night
When the quiet
gives me time to think
And the nightmares begin
The demons lurking in the midst
Waiting for their next feast
I don’t remember much
But there is no escaping
The past for me
These scars won’t fade
And all I feel is shame
For my name
Just another victim
To weak to fight
Struggling to survive each new blow
Praying for the strength
Hoping in vain
No one will realize
The trash I really am
That my dirtiness won’t show
Looking for some comfort
I step into the confessional
And bare my soul
