American Dogs
American dogs, almost the greatest,
Smarter than Slovenian dogs,
But stupider than Nigerian dogs,
Barking in the English language,
But can bark in Spanish too
With perfect pronunciation,
Scratching their fleas with gusto,
Sitting up and speaking in a monotone,
Wagging their tails like a petrified skunk,
Chewing up more expensive stuff
Than Mongolian dogs do,
Known to be connoisseurs
And only select the finest to chew.
Rolling over in an artistic manner,
Chasing rabbits better than French dogs,
Chasing cars like a gazelle,
Biting the mailman with more finesse,
Howling at the moon in the right key,
Not off key like German dogs do,
Leading American dog walkers
Down the street
Faster than Puerto Rican dogs do,
Lifting their hind legs higher than
Indian dogs at the fire hydrant,
And sniffing females with more passion
Than Chinese dogs do,
Almost as great as the greatest.
Someday if American dogs
Keep practicing, they will become
The crème de la crème, the numero unos,
The A number one ones,
The best of the best.
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