Ambition

Deep down inside is the voice of that internal coach called ambition that keeps yelling at me to surge ahead whether I want to or not.  If I ignore him, he reaches inside my soul and pulls the worth out of me with his relentless hands that are forever nudging me forward.  He keeps telling me that my purpose in life is to keep him from reprimanding me by living up to his expectations of me.
When I do ignore him, that emptiness inside feels like a virus that brings everything negative into my being.  It increases the susceptibility for sickness to enter my body.  New diseases invade my being, because I brought them to me in a psychosomatic manner.  I invented them from my idleness, because I didn’t want to think of anything positive to get me out of my depression.   Something, whether good or bad had to replace my emptiness. I accepted and lived with the fact that I am lazy, but the voice inside me still wouldn’t leave me alone.  The more I heard it, the worse my depression became, because it reminded me of myself and what I have become.
The earth and the soul of the earth is that wheel that keeps turning to keep it going.  Through my idleness, I have disrupted the motion and become a stranger unto the flow of it like a log in the stream that won’t let the water flow evenly.  I have defied my purpose in life that was assigned to me when the earth was set in motion.  That empty feeling inside me is that inborn voice that tells me to move with it or else.  If I ignore it, it will haunt me for the rest of my idle days. It will pull the worth out of my system and pull in the depression to take its place.  Depression will become the new voice telling me not to let it influence me in any way, and that ambition is for those other people but not me.  I just want to lie here and dream, do nothing to follow my dream, and let ambition lead those who wish to make something of themselves.  
The worst feeling inside is the guilt that comes about when others do the work that was assigned to you to do.  If you are torn between wanting to be lazy or ambitious, then listen to that internal coach inside called ambition.  Let him influence your life.  All he wants for you is for you to be happy.  
The feeling that is not as bad inside is the feeling of total isolation from the working force.  Then the feeling of guilt does not enter your being; henceforth, leading you to the state of depression. If you want to be idle and dream, then dream away and let others go on working.  Depend on them to provide for your lazy self.  If you choose to be useless, then go ahead and be it.  You have that freedom of choice.
The best feeling inside is to find what makes you feel good and do everything to keep that feeling.  Since that internal coach wants you to feel happy, then why not listen to him and make something of yourself?  Both of you will be satisfied with what you chose.  You will have thought more highly of yourself and made yourself more useful.  
If in that long vision ahead, you become tired and need a rest, then rest, but be sure to come back to fulfilling that vision.  If you don’t come back, you will let idleness become your new internal coach within you.