Some families hide the truth in pl… By laughing at it Although it gets confusing for a c… When the truth is a joke That can’t be told
All cars have always been getaway cars because they tell the world how much you’re getting away with but now all cars are SUVs
The difference between God and human beings Is that God gives you what you deserve Which is always what you need
After years of therapy I was able to go from survivor’s guilt to thriver’s guilt
When Eddie Money said “I’ve got two tickets to paradise” he didn’t mention that the paradise sales team only sells tickets in pairs
The sooner we realize that wholeness is impossible the sooner we can redouble our efforts towards obtai…
There are neither good people nor normal people just people who are good at sticki…
The best way to feel in control even though all control is an illusion is to stand in a line
Here’s the deal: You have no say in any of this but that doesn’t mean you can’t still have your way if you learn to see things our way
Johnny Cash is going to Jackson; I have been to Jacksonville
The stapler inevitably jams And it’s always the stapler That jams the copier Except for the times it jams When you try to copy something you…
At first everyone was to be followed by a p… to protect us from terrorists or kill us if we were terrorists But then it was decided that
If you want to feel a little bit guilty just break a rule or two But if you want to feel well and truly guilty
The Declaration of Independence w… revised to guarantee life, security and the pursuit of criminals
When the world is a tsar Insisting: Don’t you dare be who… Take it as a dare and risk the sca…
