Havelah L.

My Incompetence

For my Soldier

In sleep he dreamt of blissful things did he.
 
These soured, made his mind a tainted stream;
 
He says, there’s nothing more to life than me
 
I should’ve stopped the struggles in his dreams.
 
The warrior confides his festering life.
 
No glow remained, he sought for fire.
 
Sunken sleep, he said, could end his strife.
 
Bedrock alone could fulfill his desire.
 
White angels fall, they won’t let him conclude.
 
Robed, he limps to his interim casket.
 
In vain, he waits for me to rush to soothe.
 
He calls, but knows our distance is tacit.
 
By cause of my incompetence, steadfast,
 
Our time together nearly was my past.

(2014)

This is a Shakespearean style sonnet. I wrote it for my beloved soldier who was constantly on the brink of suicide but I was too 'busy' doing other thing. There are many other reasons I could not rush to his side once he was put in the hospital for the second attempt, as is seen in the third line, however I still to this day blame myself. This poem has heavy meaning to me.

#AttemptBusyDeathDistanceHospitalLongLoveShakespeareanSoldierSonnetSuicide

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