Dear Alex:
i know i promise poetry but the truth is, i do not know how to make this rhyme. i do not know how to make this structured or comprehensive because that is the farthest from what i feel. because i hear your voice and i come undone. i hear your voice and the thousand strings of pain and ache that hold my body together seem to stop tugging at me so harshly. i hear your voice and suddenly, i can breathe again. i hear your voice and suddenly—thinking, breathing, being—all seem to hurt a little lesser.
i know valentine’s day is a day for love. i know anniversaries are meant to be milestones, but i know i want to remember them forever and i will. i plan on celebrating every instance that can possibly be celebrated with you. but that’s not all i want to do. i want to be there for you in every moment– no matter how grim or bright. i want to make every moment we spend together memorable for you. i want you to remember that i like you, no matter what. because i do. i cherish the way you smile, i cherish that face you make when i say something particularly annoying, i cherish every time you say something cheeky, i cherish the way you tuck my hair behind my ear and i cherish every single time you tell me you like me.
& i don’t think i’ll ever get used it– feeling this much.
i don’t think i’ll ever get used to my name on your lips, your lips on mine and mine on what could only be described as transcending heaven. i don’t think I’ll ever get used to saying it, either, no matter how many times i scream it out. I like you so much, that it seems to be the beginning and middle and end of everything. and i never even want to get used to it.
i like you and i will cling to you in only the way darkness clings to the light, in the way madness clings to poets, in the way humanity clings to hope, in the way summer clings to the blossoms of spring, in the way i cling to colour. but there is no colour without you, Alex. not anymore.
i’ve bled all my feelings onto paper but there is nothing that can hold, tame or encompass them. i’ve said so much but somehow, it doesn’t seem to be enough so i’m going to get to the point.
and my point is, my sun, that i am undeniably and hopelessly devoted to you.
and i’m never turning back.

Anastasia