At The Ritz
Christmas at Larry’s was puttin’ on the ritz,
When all the gang got together in bits.
Extravagant spending is what Christmas is for,
As Santa did his shoplifting at the ole’ thrift store.
George picked some weeds out of Larry’s yard,
And gave them to Mary, that ole’ tuba’ lard.
But romance was in his eyes, his inebriated eyes,
As he caught Mary off guard with that big surprise.
So she gave ole’ horny George a kiss on the cheek,
A kissy kissy pooh for him to keep.
Then she gave Sanchez some dirty pictures of her.
With that flab hanging down, everything was blurred.
Tom gave George a lottery ticket from the trash,
If it would have won, it’s as good as cash.
George gave Tom his handkerchief slightly used.
Then blew his schnoz on his sleeve colored blue.
Tom gave Sanchez a taco two weeks old,
From the Mexican dumpster out in the cold.
Sanchez gave Larry some used underwear too.
When turned inside out, they looked brand new.
Sanchez gave Tom some peanuts from the bar.
But he didn’t tell him they were swept off the floor.
Larry gave Sanchez half a bottle of beer,
Not saying who drank the other half here.
Larry gave Tom some cigarettes from the ashtray,
A token of generosity for the big holiday.
Then after the exchange of Christmas presents,
Larry was overwhelmed from all the compliments.
What nice extravagant presents everybody gave.
Really puttin’ on the ritz at Larry’s house today.
