New Year’s Lobotomy
I had planned to write a poem entitled, Lobotomy earlier last year, about shedding all thought, however I always felt it was coming with a negative undertone. A couple of days prior, I was watching "A Hidden Life", by Terrence Malik, and felt a sense of calm wash over me at the opening shot of the Austrian Alps. This formed the starting point of the possibility of returning to this poem. Last night, the clock had struck past midnight, the new year had emerged, and yet I couldn't sleep. My head was filled with this throbbing feeling, I felt light headed and slightly dizzy. Rising. Out of nowhere, I started coughing, expelling unwanted energy from my throat. It was as if the pain was moving down my body.
Rising, I grabbed a piece of scrap paper and pencil. I finally knew what this poem would represent.
Away I go to the Mountains.
High up where the air is clear.
To clean this thickness that once clouded,
consumed my mind. Embedded the the doubts
that locked my self-belief in stone.
Surfacing a cycle where rocks don’t erode,
where roots no longer grow.
My greatest strength my weakness. No more!
They are inseparable, non distinguishable to my reflection.
Nothing lay outside of it.
Everything rises for the first time.
Reboot. Reborn.
I am the water which now precipitates “from”.
Run down the slop, cracks and crevasses into the
healing spring of splendor and oneness.
To sit there until I lose track of time.
To even forget the word, that words are a thing.
A thing is real. Real is........
What is....... next.
Next.....is......
I can now focus.
I know what to focus on.
I understand why I am focusing.
I am completely myself.
