Franklin Pierce Adams

The Ballade of the Average Reader

I try to touch the public taste,
 For thus I earn my daily bread.
I try to write what folks will paste
 In scrap books after I am dead.
 By Public Craving I am led.
(I’ sooth, a most despotic leader)
 Yet, though I write for Tom and Ned,
I’ve never seen an average reader.
 
The Editor is good and chaste,
 But says: (Above the public’s head;
This is _too_ good; 'twill go to waste.
 Write something commonplacer–
   Ed.)
 Write for the average reader, fed
By pre-digested near-food’s feeder,
 But though my high ideals have fled,
I’ve never _seen_ an average reader.
 
How many lines have been erased!
 How many fancies have been shed!
How many failures might be traced
 To this-this average-reader dread!
 I’ve seen an average single bed;
I’ve seen an average garden-weeder;
 I’ve seen an average cotton thread–
I’ve _never_ seen an average _reader_.
 
 
L’ENVOI
 
 
Most read of readers, if you’ve read
 The works of any old succeeder,
You know that he, too, must have said:
 'I’ve never seen an Average Reader.’
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