Caricamento in corso...
, by Flavie Martin
C.R.Stanger

Risk

Sigh I hadn’t read through this again after putting it down and I have sooo many typos...I don’t wanna.this poem was a test believe it or not. Probing for something. Hm. Not that I don’t mean it completely ..well except the obvious .. then there is fantasy and silliness for me that I throw in. so I use it to put more laugh into it.. I stay around the I gotta talk to you on purpose. To a person I don’t even talk to and would never know. If they even wanted to. Shrug. I don’t expect anyone to talk as no one even knows where or how and I don’t think they would anyhow. Made that kinda sure. If they ever did read they’d be highly confused at all of it.

 
 
Have we both been tricked?
I think so.
And now that I know
Even if you took part in it.
I forgave you
Did you forgive
But the fools around us
Even if you didn’t choose me
that has always affectd me very little
i know i am better
prettier?
hell i dont know
richer?
hell no but wlll
Smarter
thats not what you want  though is it?
you see?
you never knew me.
i know its her who has the problem with me
so do they
why?
they could not stand you looking happy and living again
did you wake up recently from what seemed a nightmare
i tried to warn you
they did a number on you
and its done now
you hate and wish me harm for absolutleyno reason
that does not make you question anything
somene was bribed from me
lied on me
lied to you
led you around like like they new you would
where is a mind of your  own?
but im sorry to say she was fake from the beginning
but hey so were you to me so
dont feel to bad that i know
That’s not what I feel pain of
It’s tragic.
Connections of the heart are of love yes.
But
Connections of the soul, spirit.
Are that who makes us whole
It’s tragic
I’m willing to
To grow
But you won’t let it go.
You’ll hate me just because you were told so
Or you made up in your head all the reasons to feel the icy wind blow
From only my direction
Oh if you only knew
If you only know my mind
My thoughts
If you aren’t what I said you were
If you promise you were not that
Even if I know of all the others so what?
You know I kept you
You know I love you so
Regardless of your foolery against me
you and your witchy little fools
shallow hearted fools
I’ve no interest in impressing those you try to impress they aren’t exactly the tops to me
but thats why i relized i loved you after all
anyone else id have forgot long ago
but you keeep coming back like a bad weed
adn i think i know why dont you agree?
fraud, forge, kia, working in the blood, animals
ritual all this foolish stuff these  fools tried
aint possible
im beyond it
Here you always thought you were better than me.
I don’t wanna tell you the truth of what other thought.
It’s why it bothered me not
But all of that is nothing now
I don’t care
Really
planting evidence that will sink them
yes im mixing story lines
but its ok these fools ive been dealing with while you deal with yours though connected
im protected
no one is in too deep
walk
You tried
But I felt little difference
You can’t deny that
But as for who you are inside your heart.
I’ll ignore you.
until ou figure it out
i know what you had to do
blackmail
forget it
let it go
youre are beyond it
walk away
they cant touch you
yoou hurt others your whole life
I’ll pretend it’s simply that those who hurt you so early so what chance did you have
So you spread the pain you had
Went against the grain
To stay sane
To keep yourself from shame
From goin insane
I understand you like no one does
And you know it
And you still pretend I’m but a pretender
you aren’t and I’ll write this as if it was so
I wish I could see you just one last time
There so much I have to say
But as they say
Our sky’s turned gray
Remember when it was so bright and time went by so fast
But oh yes that’s right you faked it all
You make me laugh
I’m so sorry and I wanna tell you to your face.
But you won’t allow me the space
You think I won’t give you grace
But I will
We are the same
I hear you
You don’t believe it but it’s true
telepathy
i also know the sides of the fence
its ok
i wanna be a friend
come speak to me
im always here for you
there are no charges until its someone else
I even know deep down you aren’t through
Then great pretender
And I’m the foolish pretender
Because pride could never let a liar win?
Well guess what?
My lesson just got learned
I couldn’t dare let a a vain pretender win?
Now?
I don’t care anymore
Maybe it’ll give you an ego boost
May you can tell you neighbors how you told them so
That you tempted and trick a real contender
And I’ll tell my friends yea who am I kidding
I know real when it presents itself
Oh you think because I was a great lender?
That I could be turned this was and that
You think because I gave you
I wasn’t the only one that saw and gave tender
That I was smart far?
Tell me you don’t miss it though
Even slow.
Just one last time to speak
What’s said of little importance you’d find me laughing.
Please.
One day throw the devil from your ear
It’s you he should fear
You’ve never seen me clear
And he made sure of it
But same here.
One time
I wish.
Just to speak on all of this.
But if you goal was to cause pain or stress
Well good for you I guess you must miss
Me after all.
Write me
Break free from what they expect of you.
Will you?
Just once Before you slow
Come back to speak
So I can speak on what I know.
I don’t care about any of it.
Let it go.
Could you be that cold?
Yes I suppose you could.
And you’re proud of it I suppose
Can’t you rise above?
Not for even for love
Just to speak
Reach out.
And I’ll meet you.
We were tricked
Even if your part of it
You were watching a magician.
I know you can hear me.
Put away the ammunition.
Please agree.
Or do what I expect
And sit in your grief.
Try.
Reach out to me
One time is all
What could it truly have to lose
I won’t bring anything of pain against you
You know I wouldn’t
I’m risking my kindness
It’s a lesson I learned.
I’m giving away aggression
No matter who did what.
No matter all your tricks even still a lesson
now you might be deceived but
Thank you it was such oppression.
Reach out to me.
 
Why can I not stop thinking of you just now.
What was easy before
Isn’t anymore
But all I want is to speak
I’ve a secret to tell you
I still think you mean the world to me
Well how is that for vulnerable and I don’t even care
If you were listening
You’d have to pretend you didn’t care.
But it’d catch your stare
Our eyes always said it all
Pretend that don’t and we end up here
But Im not anymore
I’m me and here there you stay loyal to a shadow
And I don’t care
It’s not my fault the one im letting go has gone
I’m waiting on anyone
I need one one
2 is one thing but spreading it thin?
4 or 5 is another.
But what did you do to me
You lied when you said you werent spiritual I know this believe me I found out the hard way
Why is the last two weeks I’ve seen names dates numbers synchronicity
I was so quiet in this but it always coming rolling back like a wave from the sea
Will I ever be rid come you
No clue
But we know
Tangled in blue
But I wanted to hear you
my destiny is mine though so tell her or the dear
mixing story lines fool
Your voice tell me of all you have been through
a house? itll never work
im the winning side
save your self while you can.
if it dont make sense to you
dont take it to heart
30 yrs behind bars.
Even if you lie, manipulated
Wanted me just for what I had.
I don’t care
It’s unconditional
It took me so long to get here
Pride is gone
Dark night of the soul
Ain’t no fun is it?
You got out of that hole?
I think I finally have
If have a drink with you to talk about the last few
if i didnt thiink youd put something in my drink
sorry for that one
I wish I knew how to reach my hand out
I’d love to hear your voice
Even if you laughed at such
I really would I miss it.
I know why you hide
This silly reason
And the very serious
How could you forget someone who did so much for you
So you looked for for them
Her?
Uh
Hm. I agree then. Your choice I respect. Even though I feel they love you for what isn’t you.
Not what you are true
But you aren’t looking for that in his life
I must accept that and go to someone new but they all been the same
I look in them for you
And I walk away bored disenchanted
I just can’t seem to let them
I stoped trying to make sense of you long ago.
It’s Unconditional.
Even if I never see you again.
All every one else makes me ill.
It’ll pass sometime
I’d love to hear your voice
Before I went out again
With him
You know I do things simply because I’ve grown bored
It’s of the soul not the heart
It goes on and on
Tell me I’m wrong
You can’t.
ill ask you one more time
do you know who i am yet?
remember i asked so many times
and you reallly thought you could pull the wool over my eyes
Beleive me its not only you
you simly got mixed up
i blame you so they simply think i think its all your fault
 but you aint blameless
come talk to  me
if you dont its not my loss anymore but yours
and that ill be for you to come to terms with
im moving out of state soon
and i know all this aint you
it was a ploy for them.
but still.
i ask again do you know who i am yet?
 
 
—CRStanger

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