The Lesson
A lesson of harder truths in what you find is actually real. No fancy or flight. The gnawing memory of desire that isn’t just in the memory but the lingering of the truth what love truly is... Willingless to sacrifice pride even when they will take advantage. A martyrdom sure.. my penance and I don’t care.. that how much I know. I’m aligned. when one finds something concrete and real the lessons must be learned for both and one must atone ..Here I tell my lessons.
For all the words I wrote upon us.
Tattooed lovingly on punctured skin to bleed away with salty hate
All those words that I wrote on you and I.
Both beautiful some and others less than great
Believe none of that but what I say now.
I forget the treasonous dark you partook
Or All the quite benign lies
you figured had me shook
I realize the confusion playing the muse can bring.
As much as the muse that will make you sing
Not all words have their place in life in color
Some are too exaggerated and fantasized.
Only to romanticize itself in black and white
In art written cursive upon the very heart
Meant to over power the mind and reality.
This is the reason you thought so small of me.
I told you not to take those to much to heart
You thought I was so easily molded.
That I had so quickly folded
But that is the world of decorated words and lines
I could never be completely controlled and in pain.
By anyone
Equal or nothing
Unless I’m yours
Then I belong to that which is my other half.
The fun that can be had.
As those very stanzas
Had aimed
no it was not true.
Not in the way you
Seem to hear them.
Your ego speaks with them
It’s the point.
All those words I wrote of me and you.
But now I see what was real and what wasn’t.
Just having visited.
What emotions came back true
And what came back false
The judge and gavel
Judging what I truly felt and needed
Desired
And who was a quiet love and a liar
But ever so showing your hand you thought was so hidden
They are most beautiful to look upon
Some words
But frivolous and poetic to garner relation for those out there in love
As the shadowy tunnel in the midden
Terrifying passion
As our past both laugh they scream and cry
Such is our past
Those ends that never lie
But neither did the eyes
Would you like to see the picture
When you couldn’t lie.
Acting?
Spare me.
I know when you felt how I did..
So why fight..
Why try hard to run.
I don’t care to
Have you when you don’t feel
But I do your words you couldn’t look me in the eye and say so.
Just call and let me hear your voice say the same.
But you won’t you think it’s a game
You thought you had me tamed
Because I wanted you to
Tell me she’s the same?
That I’m not finished long from it.
But always knew a sequel to me and you
shadow lay upon their heels
And I would tiled them up with skill
And flighty emotion
Only with half a notion
Of what I meant
So my energy in language was well spent
Until the screen went black
It’s a fear I know you felt
Deep down behind your cold heart
That ever so slightly would melt.
Your pushback only confirmed it
That your fear was not so very different than mine
Denial is just a sign
You aren’t being honest with yourself
Or I would never have set still on a path not mine.
But now I sign upon this dotted line
If you have heard a word I’ve written
Put them away for now
And just for this moment let me show art can bow
To emotional truth
Emotional fancy take flight
Leave these pages
And write of love and hate that never ages
An exception are those of a certain hue
Yes those they speak of blue
Put your ear upon those and between them glue
Then you’ll know I truly spoke true
Only some
But if lessons
I spoke completely honest
But in this moment Hear only these now those you will soon find.
My catalyst in the mire
We did alot more aligned
Than we ever threw into the fire
I spoke of lessons for both.
But I’ve only told you how you should do.
Acted like you were to blame
Let me tell you some of what I must too
For my lesson was everything I fear and hate
In the very reason you could never hurt me or berate
With the power you assumed you had
Because I was broken before
Just like you.
And never again would a deception catch me off guard.
Nothing you’ve done has surprised.
And no it is not a confession of pride.
For sacrifice pride
It’s one who’s heart has died
Now it never lied it felt what I supplied
But I could never give it over truly
So therefore so many words I said duly
Just to make a fanciful verse
Except that specific one I could immerse
In the colors of the ocean
So if I ask myself what and who would never wanna learn such lessons?
And what would they be?
To fear trickery so much that I shun and push away
While letting Fancy take flight
No, no more.
Because I spoke true.
It was you.
And I’ll show you why.
I ever trusted anything of you.
So now when I know nothing
hear nothing
see nothing
And see you feel nothing
I shall give you trust.
Unwrap it I put it under your feet
My trust
I let go of all distrust
I will not ever fear you tricks again
You may or may not and I care not
I may never see you again
But I’m hear right here
For you to come and take back the control you so want.
Here is my trust
This is the biggest thing I can offer
When I known all the things your hands have done in the dark.
I care not
I take the spark
That flew from me to you
And fan it to a flame
Dangerous enough to burn down the earth around us
And I hand you my trust
I give over all I ever had to you
I’m easily broken now as I am made anew
As if you had never lied
And I had never cried so long in years before you
A lesson learned
Suspicion is an virus that spreads it’s fear in the very veins of all emotions new
I collapse the very veins that fear knew
And bury them and in their place orchids grew
Within the darkened blue.
The lesson of patience.
I cannot wait on what is it coming
If you were you’d have said words by now
So don’t see it as impatience
It’s just you are where you wanna be
You would just leave
If it were anywhere else I must beleive
But if I did know.
That one day you’d return
And you would grow away from this manipulative spirit you’ve become and linked yourself into
Their soul and yours toxic to the core.
I can not and never judged
You be who you must.
But if I truly did ever know
I’d give you patience
I’d turn to dust for you
That’s how serious I found I was so very recently
When like the others your memory did not disperse after a month or two.
Pretend love is so common and I could not be more wrong than i glimpsed it in you
No it was real and solid
I’d give my patience to show you the truth.
But I must move on because there is no chance you’d ever return.
Unrealistically sorrowful
But a truth is a truth
What is lawful
I know what you’ve done
And forgiveness
It is a lesson that weighs so difficult
But I had no problem giving it to you.
Have my forgiveness
I cannot stop the process of the world that will stop you
But I will not try to unless asked by them.
So continue with your childish sin.
I don’t have an envious soul or jealous heart
But that did not mean you never had my heart
Yes to give it to someone so careless and youthful
Is truly foolishness
But have my heart my love
For I have only ever loved you.
Not because it was a choice, or new, or addictive, or needed, desired or healed.
But because it simply was the moment I saw all there is of you
All that I’m told I have not seen
Every demon I made my own.
So yours would never have to be alone.
I only wish you would’ve grown mad much as I have this past year
But without any inkling I’ll ever look upon you again
I give you my belief
You’ve always had this.
I believe in you for you are my friend no matter how much an enemy you made of me in your hate
You have my faith.
I know you can do whatever you wanted too
You let others make choices for you.
To afraid to live for you.
So you are not a child
You have my faith that you are everything anyone could ever want.
A little much?
No it isn’t not for you
For as arrogant as you and i can be
And as much as we love ourselves
You hate yourself deep down.
And this is foolish.
I wish I could show you how to become unbound.
To rise off the ground
I’d never let you down
I do not enjoy your sadness
You act as if you have little to none
And you do
I’d give you strength i have for I have it enough for more than two
I say this with with great anger and frustration
But it’s part of my very lesson in revealing my inner self
And I always said I’d give over this incantation
Had I ever found I truly loved someone more than I loved myself
And I have
I give you these things
I eradicate the past
The clean slate lies there
So you can continue to be unfair
And I’ll smile upon it.
All I’ll do is walk away when abuse comes again
No anger, no fight.
A lesson in patience and not knowing all.
To listen and hear the smallest call
There is no reward for saying these things out loud
No I say them for myself
They are an assignment to the frivolous love I have so felt
Nothing tarnishes you because your tarnish is not what I looked upon as you tried to trick me to see only shine I looked past
For once believe this and you’d find them such a feeling will last
But you are you and have made your choice
But still I have a voice
And I made it known to myself
I feel all this and more
It was a lesson I had to speak sure
To lead them the clearer water to sip
Let it purify you and change you.
Be this trickery no longer
This liar that has you bound
This constant stimulation that must be had
And end controlling manipulating words that are directed to yourself as well.
If I hear them I’ll silently walk away
But these cycles I once reveled in die today.
My love is all that is left
I am not empty of anything except needless poisons that made me sick
And sabotaged from the beginning
I don’t need you now to say a word or see these
The lessons are learned without you my heart unfreezes
And I feel free.
I miss you
I had to also burn down my pride
I still falter
But I swore to become a better version
And give this journey a try
And I was not wrong about the fire between us
Not of desire or love
But of transitional power
Love and desire were simply riding the greater need and reason
So two cycles of seasons
And a separation
You should know that integration with yourself
Is something that must again be.
Set yourself free and find your soul
What makes you you
What makes you whole.
Leave all else in the cold
Come on too bold
The fear leaving starved in need of yourself
Drag self understanding from the shelves
I’m right here if you ever need me
I’m understanding and know you
More than you would ever give credit on
Know I did feel and speak real.
We rhymed more than you can admit
It does not matter who was in the thick of it
I sleep well every night
I do not fight with myself
I’m slowly seeing others
My love will not die
It is simply another type and always has bee
All encompassing but if not met halfway I set it aside
I do not for it cry.
Because I know it’s both of ours
I hear you in the night
And I wish I could help you feel calm.
Whatever has been done can be undone.
I will not kill it nor pick up the gun
I’ll smile and turn away.
That we tried to hide from the other
What happened happened
If it becomes a positive
Well I’ve often thought of it.
As the fate we had to meet
For neither of our lives have ever been the same
But neither have they ever been complete
Not were we stand now.
Tell me how
that is not the regretful sudden truth?
There is love that grew here in pitch black of what we murdered on the ground.
That died without a sound
Because it cannot die.
Strike me down if I so lie.
But im alive
And never once did I falter.
But I did
Dive
Right in.
Ready to learn my lessons
And I did.
All I wanted was the words you did too.
You and your odd little crew.
That wasn’t much I asked of you.
—C.R.Stanger
